Grief Exists in Ways
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day 1007b: Rachel spends the night at Sam's after he finds out about Summer, and he asks her for a favor.


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 47th cycle. Now cycle 48!_

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_**Cycle 48/Day 1000 special: **So, yes, in this cycle, a milestone I had to do something special for.  
In this cycle I'm passing my 1000th consecutive day of gleekathon! So for this, the cycle will feature:  
* 21-day/chapter story for the Sunshine Girls series (This Little Light of Mine)  
* 14-day/chapter story special for day 1000 (Let Me Tell You A Story)  
* One-shot installments from 12 series + 2 non-series  
* And for this cycle and this cycle alone (I swear), 7 'triple shift' days, with 3 chapters/stories going up in the day!_

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_**This is a double shift day.** There will be one more upload today: This Little Light of Mine, chapter 20._

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**"Grief Exists in Ways"  
Sam & Nell, Samchel  
Sam & Nell/Samchel series  
_(all series now listed under the communities tab in my profile)_  
**

_____(Day six of birthday week for the one and only, the fabulous, the exquisite, yes, mag721! :D)_

Rachel had stayed with Nell while Sam had gone to shower, hoping to clear his head. She walked around with the girl, humming to her, trying to calm her. It was like she could feel the mood in her house, and for that she was made to cry. "It's alright… it's alright…" she tried to tell her, tried to sound convincing. Eventually it started working, and right about then Sam's mother had arrived. She wasn't surprised to see her son's girlfriend at first, but soon she could see the look on her face, and Rachel could see a thought cross her face, so she had been quick to promise Sam was fine. When she had told her about Summer though, she had understood. Sam came out of the shower and there they all were sitting together, the three most important people in his life. His mother held him, checked how he was doing… Mrs. Evans had invited her to stay for dinner, for the night… She was already planning to stay, but at least it felt nice to be thought of this way.

Retreating to his room, they'd laid down Nell and Rachel sang her to sleep. She could feel Sam watching them. He was still trying to make sense of it, she could tell. He was quiet, lost in his own head. Once Nell was asleep, she'd gone and sat with him. The silence was weighing down, and she wasn't sure what to do about it. Should she talk, or stay quiet? Should she tell him about today, about going and seeing her mother, how she had asked her to be her maid of honor? Would it be inappropriate, talking of her own second chance with her mother when Nell…

"I want to ask for a favor," his voice had almost startled her, with how she hadn't expected it.

"Anything," she nodded, and he looked up to her.

"I thought a lot about it. The funeral is the day after tomorrow. I'm going, with Nell… Summer never tried to make contact, or if she did… Either way, Nell is her daughter, and even if she won't remember any part of it, she should get to be there, too," he started, while Rachel listened. He looked up to her. "Would you come with us?" She blinked, not having expected this at all.

"Are you sure I…"

"I know it's asking a lot, and if you can't I'll completely understand. With all of it that'll be involved, I wouldn't blame you. I just can't help feeling how much I'd need you… There's everyone I knew, the other families, and that's one thing, but the big one is… Summer's parents."

"That bad?" she asked, and he nodded.

"I try to look at it from their point of view, having their daughter pregnant, the age we were, but… When Nell was born they just stood outside the delivery room, and Summer was in there on her own, they could hear her… they wouldn't even go in… Still can't get that image out of my head," he rubbed at his face. "And now that this has happened… I don't know how they'll react, but I can't just not go," he explained.

"No, you should go, both of you, should be there for her, and me, well I'll just be there for you," she nodded, letting out a breath, and he managed a half a smile, taking her hand, nodding back – thank you. The shock was starting to retreat, finally, she could see his body relax, though now he still had to deal with all this mess. She'd have to talk to her fathers about this, but with how they had gotten to know both Sam and Nell, she had to hope they would understand she needed to be there.

She'd called them, for now just telling them about what had happened, not bringing up Sam's request yet, and asking if it was alright that she stayed the night. They had said yes, asking that she pass on their sympathies. She didn't know if doubt had entered the decision process at any time, but she liked to think she'd given them enough reason to trust her over the years. And it wasn't like they had to worry about Sam 'trying' anything that night. At this point she'd be lucky if she could get him to talk. He had laid out on his bed, so she did the same, the two of them staring at the ceiling.

"What if they stopped her?" he spoke after a minute. She turned.

"Who stopped who?"

"Maybe she changed her mind at some point, wanted to get in touch with me, to see Nell, but they wouldn't let her." She closed her eyes.

"I… I don't know."

"She could have wanted it, and they said no, and now…" He needed to believe in something, she knew. He needed to believe that his daughter had been wanted by her mother, even a little. She could understand; she'd been the daughter who wanted to know her mother had wanted her. Eventually she'd known she didn't need it, not in the way she'd thought she did, but that had not been immediate, and even then… She had Shelby to talk to. Sam had no contact with Summer in all the time since Nell had been born and now she was dead so it wouldn't change, not unless there was something in that period he didn't know about, something to give him the answers he needed. For all the support he'd gotten, with her, with his mother, there was still this part where he was on his own, and he couldn't let go…

"Maybe…" She couldn't go and say no, and it wasn't just about humoring him, it wasn't at all. She didn't know, maybe Summer had changed her mind like he said, and she just hadn't gotten to do anything about it before the accident that had taken her life. For Sam's sake, Nell's sake… No, she still didn't know.

Would it really be that much better for him to know that they had missed out like that, that they had come so close before one bad night had taken away the moment? She would still be gone, they still wouldn't know what could have been. On the other side, if they found out that it was all exactly as it seemed, that Summer wanted no part in the girl's life, would that be something Sam could deal with, tell Nell some day? And if they spent the rest of their lives not knowing…

No side could win. The only way out, with any of those outcomes would be to find a way to rise above, to get to a place where they could deal, sort of how she'd ended up with her Shelby situation, before they had gotten to where they had gotten on that day…

"You really need to know…" she had just stated, and he didn't have to answer. She wasn't sure how they were meant to achieve this, but she knew she'd try to help.

They had fallen asleep like this, side by side, though she had woken up halfway through the night and found his hand holding to her arm, like just feeling her there was what he needed to sleep. She didn't disrupt it.

She had told her fathers about going with him to the funeral, and her previous assumptions of their trust in her and in Sam had to be right: they said yes. The day after, the day before the funeral, Sam, Rachel and Nell were at the airport. Sam's grandparents would be there waiting when they arrived, to take them to their house.

The whole flight, he was quiet, and she knew he was nervous. This would not be a joy ride, being back there, with memories and people he had long left behind, and questions he wanted answered and would have rather left unanswered at the same time. No matter what, Rachel would be there. She was part of this now, part of them as they were of her.

THE END

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******A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
****In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
************always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!**


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